-apology-

I'm such an idiot. I didn't even realize until now that I haven't even apologized for what I did. I'm so sorry that I kept trying stuff after you continually told me to stop. I'm not trying to make excuses for what I did, but switching gears like that phased me. Going from intimate moments to times when you seemed to hate all contact whatsoever confused me. Nonetheless...what I did was horrible...the kind of action that I would instantly condemn in others and yet somehow allowed myself to commit.

I'm also sorry that this apology came so late.

sorry to mope, but this weekend I had a lot of time to think...ryan wasnt really talking to me...and I've just been sitting at home essentially. Funny...I read your post on your blog about how you love the weekends now. Sadly its the exact opposite for me...I've come to hate them. It tortures me daily to think of how things are now in contrast to before. But maybe you're right...maybe things only seem bad in comparison. But then that could be said about almost anything couldn't it. Its not just insecurities making me feel bad you know...things are starting to unravel in my life...its just...things are such a burden now...I'm not sure how to deal with things...especially since I used to vent my problems to you. I tried venting some to yon...jae...but they were both under the impression that I needed their advice on things...which didn't turn out very helpful...lol.