I had never seen the movie The Prestige. Saw it yesterday and afterward I asked what my roommate thought of the morality of the main characters. It turned into a 4 hour long apartment wide discussion on everything from the ethics of suicide to love.
I was really surprised to hear one of my roommates say that he didn't understand how love could be a binding force. He kept saying how a pair of handcuffs or iron bars can bind someone but not love. Yep...he could only think of physically binding things and not mentally binding things. I was trying to argue that love could stick in your mind long after you are physically separated and that it could still greatly affect a person....my argument fell mostly on deaf ears...and I was really disappointed.
For all the things I disagree with Jae on...I think the one thing we always have agreed on is matters of family and the strength of bonds that can form from love (which is strange considering how jae treats women).
It got me thinking though...is my one-sided love holding me captive. I honestly took a look at some flights for this weekend and was considering it...the biggest drawback being the scrutiny I would face from my parents...I actually would've done it if I had a place to stay other than my home. I wouldn't have even considered going back up again this soon had anyone else asked me. Is this a detrimental mental condition? That I would do these things knowing that nothing will come of it? I would like to think that my motivation is a pure thing...that I would do it entirely just to make you happy...but I can't help wondering if that is all that pushes me to do these things. Am I really trapped in an illusion? A hold that I've placed over myself...which feels stronger than any bars a jail could have? Is it just a choice I could make? Could I actually just CHOOSE not to love you anymore? Have I tried? Do I want to try? ...no
does that 'no' mean that my own inaction is my own prison? That is usually what holds someone back after all...inaction. And why don't I take action? What holds me back? Why don't I strive for that wonderful blissful image of future happiness that could be mine? ...maybe because I can't even picture that happiness? I strive for nothing because I can see nothing? After traveling so far down a tunnel, you lose sight of the light at either end.
But the weary traveler who sits to rest and gets lost in his mind could easily forget his purpose....and even though I push myself to keep moving through a pitch black darkness...I feel the smooth inviting touch of the pillow beside me...and conclude that a little sleep could do me some good...a little...a little more...a lot...maybe I'll just stay here after all.
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1 comment:
do you really not try?
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