Supercomputer on campus went down today. Lost all my project files.
Alarm clock broke today. Missed two important meetings that I specifically said I would show up at. Credibility lost.
Drove Sandra all over SD to do "critically important" errands such as returning clothes, buying clothes for her boyfriend, and pick up some forms from campus. She has a working car.
Girl I've been hanging out with and started to like invited me to a party only to get completely wasted and make out with some guy right in front of me.
I'm not sure how much more of a loser I could feel like today. Its absolutely amazing. I'm going to comic con tomorrow with said party girl above. I'm not exactly excited.
I think I'm at the point where I can't say I'm merely in a slump. Though, maybe at this point I'm just letting all the "bad" things affect me that much more. I understand myself a little more though. I think the mask I wear now is more comfortable for me than my real self. My real self is boring and un-sociable...whereas the mask has friends and people who'll always drag him to parties and ridiculous events. My mask is such a hypocrite though. It makes fun of people who are like my real self. I feel like such an asshole afterward.
I can't fault her of course...but damn...seeing that just threw me completely off. Shocked me back into a depressive stupor.
Oh yeah...and my chest occasionally hurts accompanied by my left arm going numb....wonderful indicative signs of the wonderful heart failure those lovely surgeons predicted I would have around age 25...but honestly...I really don't care....not like they can do anything about it
Saturday, July 25, 2009
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3 comments:
you can't die yet. i won't allow it. if only for purely selfish reasons.
about the girl...are you friends? I imagine so. It seems heartless of her to do that in front of you, but I suppose that doesn't mean much if you didn't inform her of your feelings. Despite the fact that you might be able to attribute that behavior to her lifestyle, does that really make it any less heartless? Anyway, I hope you had fun at the con!
find something to make you happy.
yeah, we're friends. I really can't fault her for it at all. I never said a word to her about any of my feelings.
I feel better now though. It's still fun to hang out with her...and our two groups of friends seem to slowly be merging.
comic con was fun though I can't really tell you what I did...I didn't go to any big panels...didn't see anyone famous...mostly just roamed the floor...got a collection of keychains...and an awesome shirt =P.
can you believe a guy as skinny as me was able to be the bottom layer of a 4 person high pyramid? =P
Even though she's always trying to be depressing and especially with the phrase she says most "love is dead to me"..shes fun to be around
"trying" to be depressing?? ha.
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