This always happens to me eh...

This girl is so awesome...I've known her for about 2 years now. I always just assumed she had a boyfriend I guess....but lately I've started talking to her a lot more cause we're partners for a lot of school stuff. She had been mildly flirting with me for the past month...hugging me a bunch...long hugs with lots of contact.....then there was a party where I basically didn't have my own drink...I was just sharing with her....all kinds of stuff I probably can't even remember now. Then just last week she told me straight to my face that she didn't have a boyfriend of any kind...I thought of asking her out on the spot right there but for some reason I thought I would just wait a bit...

I guess I just really don't know what the definition of boyfriend is. I just came back from a party...her party. A friend of hers flew in from nor cal to see her...some older bigshot in finance. Short story...she was all over him. Long story...I pieced together from her girlfriends that know her better...he flies in once in a while...they have sex...and he flies back.

The weirdest thing is...I can't even bring myself to really care right now. Like...I was definitely attracted to her and everything...but the guy was just so likable that I honestly just feel like somehow she's in much better hands...despite what I've heard and all.

I really dont know what I'm doing right now...just floating along I suppose...

I find myself doing strange things once in a while now...

I was just letting my thoughts wander a few days ago and somehow I got caught up in a design....and I didn't even realize what I was doing...

When I looked at it later...I realized that I was trying to figure out how to create a bioweapon in the form of a virus undetectable by the human immune system.

Some of my thoughts are just so dark..I barely recognize myself anymore

Sometimes I feel its for the best if I just get hit by a car or something