-Confusion-

I just don't get it anymore. She claims that she doesn't talk to others like she talks to me...that somehow I am special to her. And yet, as proof of this, all I see are what might as well be a hundred other people who are all special to her and who all love her and who all feel loved by her.

I guess I can just never really be happy until she learns to be happy for herself. I wonder how long that will be...

Constantly telling me not to wait for her...I know she doesn't mean it...but all that says to me is that she doesn't want me. And while it makes me sad I think it also makes me a little happy that maybe she does know what she wants...haha.

As for valentines day...I thought I would try to do something special for her...but obviously he will anyway...has her for the whole weekend.

I think its my own set mentality of "she'll never be in love with you" that makes me doubt and makes me want to give up just to prevent myself from holding too much hope that may ultimately be destroyed. I mean, how can you suddenly believe something that you were telling yourself was impossible for years....